My 10 Day Suicide - Day 7

My only fear on being thin is being fat again. I am still not the "thin-thin" but I definitely lost some weight. I am excited to know how much I lost but again like what I have mentioned on my previous blog, I will do it on my last day. When I woke up this morning my body was very sore from the activity that we did yesterday, which was the photo shoot. I woke up and went to the loo to release the unwanted stuff (that's the laxative taking effect). Now, I decided to do the salt water flush. Initially, I intended to drink 1 liter of it but like what I read online it tasted awful. It was so nasty I almost puked. I immediately felt sick when I drank it. I think I only consumed 500ml of the SWF solution. I lay down to avoid vomiting the solution and after 30 minutes or even less, my stomach began rambling. Nature is calling me. I was in the CR for 3 times and all I emitted was water but loads of it.

Enough of the nasty stuff, I went to the grocery store again to replenish my stock. Believe it or not that maple syrup only lasted for 3 days. So, I went to shop and bought some food that I can eat when my cleansing diet is finally over. I cant wait to eat! To finally chew and taste something other than lemonade, maple syrup, cayenne and salt. I want to research on how to cook vegetables! But I will just do that on my 11th day.

My head is aching today and so is my body. But like what they said, "no pain, no gain", so I really have to stay focused and finish this battle.

And the perk of the day, I was able to wear the shorts that whenever I wear before I cannot breathe so I have to unbutton it. But now, no need to do that! For now, time to sleep. xoxo

My 10 Day Suicide - Day 6

I am almost done. Almost. But not yet. Sigh. I just want this cleansing diet to end. But I am afraid that If I go back to my regular eating habit I will return to being fat and unhappy. I just wish I had a faster metabolism. The worst thing about this diet is that when you have to do something that requires a lot of energy it will definitely kill you. We went to do the photo shoot yesterday in Camp Marina. My brilliant photographer and rep, Jan chose an uphill site. Damn! I am so fucking dead. It was super hot that day and for 6 days the only things I was consuming are juice and water and he chose a site where you need to do hiking? I wanted to kill him! But I didn't. Thank God. After the stressful but fun photo shoot, I went straight home, washed my face, brushed my teeth, drank my tea and collapsed. That's it. :)

My 10 Day Suicide - Day 5

Atlast! I made it till Day 5! I made it halfway! I am so proud of myself! (Doing the happy dance) It was a daily struggle and I am constantly hungry but I have no choice but to fight it and consume the juice or water. I have made it this far and there is no point to surrender!

Where I work, I am surrounded by temptations. My colleagues eating "lechong kawali", my reps eating "burger" and below the building are restaurants that serves the most delectable and mouth watering food. So kill me now.

I did my regular routine but I failed to drink my laxative. I will just do the salt water flush this weekend. So I do not have to go to the CR every now and then while at work. I feel a little bloated maybe because I didn't "release" anything. But I'll definitely drink that tea when I get home.

The happy part about it is that I now fit on the jeans that I can never ever wear! If I can even button the jeans, a muffin top will definitely show. You know where your belly is hanging out of your jeans. But I cannot see that! HA! :)

So I am on to Day 6. Wish me luck! <3

Random Rantings

I have been the person whom you might consider to be one of the lucky ones. I have an imperfect-perfect family, a steady job, awesome set of friends, great bosses (some of 'em) and before a faithful and loving boyfriend (notice the word before). But I guess, I am the type of person who always want to have some complications in life. I tend to ruin what is perfect and deviate from what is normal and right.

I tried to lead my life in a way that it is favorable to other people. Maybe my ex was right. I always want to please other people. But not the people who love me. Now I am confused. Did I work my ass off and disregard myself in order for me to help my siblings to finish college because I want to impress other people? How many times did I control myself not to buy those lovely shoes or that new make up so that I can give something to my family? Maybe I also did that so that other people will be amazed how compassionate I am.

Special -- that's how I want to be treated. But whenever someone is treating me like that. I take them for granted. Why am I so good in hurting people? People that matters to me. People that I know will love me no matter what. I have hurt my family when I did not finish college and got accidentally pregnant. I have hurt my boyfriend by cheating on him and not loving him the way he deserved. Am I really this vicious person who is not capable of discerning true love?

Mistakes -- I've got tons of them. Some of them repetitive, some of them new. Most of the time repetitive. My ex told me that the reason why I keep on committing the same mistakes is because I never learn. But my question is WHEN DO YOU LEARN? Do you learn when you don't do it anymore? I really don't know.

I always say, I just want to have a happy and normal life. But maybe just maybe, I am the one who is making it unhappy and abnormal.

My 10 Day Suicide - Day 4

I never thought I would reach this far. I was at the verge of surrendering and eating that sumptuous meat. It was so enticing! But I told myself again "just a few more days Michelle, just control it. Hang in there". So I was able to stop myself from eating. I then gulped my juice and just sighed.I had minor headaches today but the hunger is kicking in so bad. I want to quit but I didn't. I have sacrificed already and now I must be brave enough to finish what I started. The only problem that I have with this diet is my inability to sleep. I always sleep at 3pm or 4pm because I am waiting for the laxative to work. And after I do my dirty deed that is the only time I am able to sleep. And in addition to that, I really felt sick that aftenoon. My tummy was rumbling and I had a fever. The A/C was already turned off but I still feel cold. Thank God when I woke up this evening I was perspiring and feeling much better.

But to be fair this diet is not so bad at all. I am not experiencing hyperacidity which I always do whenever I am on a diet. I guess that is the good side of it because its main purpose is really to detoxify. This diet may end in 10 days but after that I have to still be on a liquid diet for atleast a couple of days before I can really eat food.

On the positive results, I can see my collar bone now. My jaw is more visible and I fit into my pants nicely. My pimples seems to disappear. I just wish my cellulite would too. I am doing the same routine and it gets harder each day but I am not going to quit (Hopefully). Now back to work.

My 10 Day Suicide - Day 3

Day 3 was way kinder. I had headache but not as severe as the one that I had on Day 2. I felt hungry but the juice and water paved it. I didn't weight myself yet. I dont want to feel disappointed if I didn't lose that much weight. Maybe I'll do it on my 10th day. I brought 1.5 liters of the juice at work and consumed it in sips. I drink it alternately with water. I think I only drank a liter of agua. It was not antagonizing like what I have mentioned but I kept on dreaming of eating my favorite porkchop. Oh, the agony! But I have to do this. I have to be healthy and get back to shape. I am not doing this because of other people. I am doing myself a favor. I have been hospitalized this year and I dont want that to happen again. I want to regain energy. Being able to run fast, walk a long mile and be my old self again.

So after work, we went straight to SM. I am running out of stocks so I need to replenish it. The ingredients are not cheap, I must say. But the pay off is priceless. We walked through the grocery store and saw all the food that I like. I want to cry. But who said getting thin was easy? I had to battle my urge to pick that cheetos who's been calling my name. I think I'm mental. I was able to buy a maple syrup that is less expensive than the first one that I bought. Also bought some sea salt for the salt water flush so GOODLUCK to me.

When we arrived home, my supportive colleagues cooked lunch. It was just sardines and noodles but I almost drooled while watching them eat. I just told myself, "just a few more days Michelle, few more days". After looking at them enviously, I gulped my juice and tea then went to bed. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to sleep well (maybe its because of the juice) and my tummy started to rumble at 3pm. And the rest was history. Slept at around 4pm and woke up at 11pm. (I can now wear my pants effortlessly) Let's begin Day 4! :)

My 10 Day Suicide - Day 2

Day 2 was tragic. I experienced severe headache and hunger. I was able to poop but not that much because I didn't take any laxative or Salt water flush. I was in the office and I can smell what all the reps were eating. I searched Google if there was some cheat I can do while doing the Master Cleanse or if I can eat something. But to my dismay I found none. Now, I want to kill myself or kill someone. I asked myself why wasn't I born skinny?. I was super hungry! Just to kill my starvation I drank almost 2 liters of water and 2 liters of the juice. I peed a million times. I drank some laxative before I slept and my tummy woke me up at around 2pm. I was in utmost pain! The laxative was working and my stomach is tormenting me. I think I stayed in the loo for 30 minutes just to make sure I released all the "toxins". When you are not eating. You get easily cold. I was sleeping in an air conditioned room and since I was sharing it with some of my colleagues, I stepped outside and slept in the living room. I woke and transferred to my room since they are already awake and the A/C was in a tolerable temperature. I slept some more. When I woke up this evening (because I work at night) I feel much better. No more headache, no more hunger pangs. Now let's start day 3. :) (And oh I can see my collar bone again! Wee!)

My 10 day suicide

I am starting my "master cleanse diet" it is also known as lemonade diet. They say that it will help if you create a journal about the experience. So here I am. Starving and dizzy.

DAY 1: I woke up at around 8AM and prepared my juice. I bought it last Saturday together with my colleagues. I binged last Sunday because I know I would not be able to eat for 10 days. SO as I was preparing it some of the lemonade and maple spilled because I didn't buy a funnel! The maple syrup is super expensive so I am trying not to spill it but ofcourse I still did. So I took a sip of the juice and it tasted like a bland lemonade with a kick of spice due to the cayenne pepper. I finished two liters in one day and I peed a thousand times. I feel hungry. But whenever I am feeling the urge to eat. I drink the juice or some water. So far so good. Now let's start Day 2.

The Best Things In Life Are Free

This is the only cash I have left. Sana umabot until Friday. Buti nalang may libreng ice cream and cake from my office mate. Instant free lunch! Thank you Lord! :)